So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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