hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he fucked my hip out of place.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
