remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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