I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
