mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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