he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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