Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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