I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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