Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
