Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
