eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
