We need to rekindle our bromance
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
