I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
