I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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