end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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