i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
