Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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