So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
