as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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