just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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