Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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