and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We named our party play list daddy issues
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Randomize
