she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
