so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
