Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Text me some of your sweat
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
