please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
