The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
