wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
