i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
