How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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