Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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