If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
