go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
