y did u give ur computer a hand job?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
