so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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