Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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