Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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