I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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