2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
