i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
