he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
