census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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