I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
