i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
