from now on my penis is your penis
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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