Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
