Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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