His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
