Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
