I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
