I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
