I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
