Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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