Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
