it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
