Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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