apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
