there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
