I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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