It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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