He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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