If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
