I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All the doctor said was why
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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