Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
