you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im drinking this country out of the recession.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
