Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
