I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
