loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
