We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
