You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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