I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
