the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
