I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
