we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
