I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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