bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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