I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
