Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
