Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
