idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He felt like a one man threesome
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
