my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
