Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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