dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
