just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I bet he comes in French.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
