Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
how does that bad decision feel?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
