i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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