Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
