I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
