the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
