The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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