dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
