How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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