Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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